


Let It Be Me

by Elora_Lane



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Abusive Girlfriend, Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Coffee Shops, Emotional Healing, Eventual Bellarke, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Blood, graphic depictions of sex, josie is terrible in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25891117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elora_Lane/pseuds/Elora_Lane
Summary: It was "friends at first sight", for Clarke and Bellamy. But when a toxic relationship comes between them, Clarke finds herself confused, hurt, and more than anything, concerned for his well-being.After "Hurricane Josephine" tears through Bellamy's life, ruining everything in its path, Clarke is there to pick up the pieces, and maybe even patch up that broken heart.Rating subject to change depending upon content.Written for The 100 Writers for BLM
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Josephine Lightbourne
Comments: 46
Kudos: 81
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bellarke Writers and Artists for BLM
> 
> for an anonymous prompt. 
> 
> Prompt:  
> can you write something for a modern au where Bellamy has been in an unhealthy relationship and it has affected his stability, and Clarke helps him feel more secure about himself? I've seen the opposite done a few times and I think this will be interesting. Thank you!
> 
> Italics are either memories or flashbacks.

_“Clarke!”_ an anguished cry woke her rather abruptly, right before a pebble hit her window, “Clarke, please! I’m sorry!” 

As Bellamy Blake’s pleading and broken voice traveled up to the second story of her house, Clarke made her way to the window- which now had a puddle of water on the sill, “Bellamy!” she cried down, trying to see him through the sheets of rain that seemed eager to race to the ground before her. When she spotted him, she almost gasped, the man looked worn out and soaked from head to toe. The rain had flattened his curls, making him look somehow even more depressing, “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I don’t- O won’t talk to me, and I-” he stopped, raising something to his lips as he swayed haphazardly, “I don’t have anyone else.” 

“Of course, you don’t,” Clarke muttered to herself, Bellamy had been going through a lot lately, and his toxic relationship had destroyed their friendship and nearly every other relationship in his life.

As if on cue, he continued, “and I- I miss you.” 

If Clarke were to be completely honest, she’d admit she missed him, too. 

Instead, she settled for, “I’ll be right down!” 

* * *

_“I’m_ _gonna_ _take a ten,” Josie said, walking past as Clarke cleared out the steam wand of the espresso machine. They’d just had a crazy rush, and well, Josephine Lightbourne had hardly done anything but hand off drinks- but yeah, she could take her second break before Clarke got her first, “Clarke, don’t forget to change the sanitizer! It’s been six hours since we opened!”_

_“God, I can’t stand her,” Clarke said as soon as Josie had walked into the back room. They had opened eight hours ago, not six. And Clarke was closing with Bellamy. Josie wasn’t supposed to leave without stocking and cleaning up for the next shift. Clarke just rolled her eyes, she was going to_ _do it even if Josie had because unlike Josie, who filled the bucket too high and made the solution too strong, Clarke did it right, “did she even read the handbook?” she mumbled, turning around._

_Catching sight of Bellamy, the Assistant Manager of Bean to Brew, Clarke held her breath. How was it that the man looked handsome while stocking syrups?_

_“Look, you should try to like her...”_ _Bellamy said as he faced her and rested his hands on his hips. If it weren’t for the smile that graced his lips, Clarke would think he was agitated, “I know her presence sabotaged your promotion to supervisor, I was pissed about that, too. But Clarke," he said, his voice dropping low, as he moved closer, "she’s_ _Russell’s daughter_ _. What did you think they were going to do when she moved back?”_

_Yes, the jilt regarding the supervisor job had stung. Bellamy had trained her himself, and they_ _worked so hard to get her to supervisor in a short amount of time, just to have the plan thwarted. But that wasn’t the only reason Clarke disliked Josie._

_First, she didn’t do her job remotely well. Most of the staff still came to Clarke instead of Josie. Beyond that, Josephine Lightbourne was monopolizing Bellamy’s time, and as pathetic as it was, Clarke missed her friendship with him. After a year and a half of working in what she had considered a bit of a Utopia, Josie had managed to make Clarke hate the job within a few short months._

_“You can’t be serious, Bellamy!” Clarke said in a raised whisper, as a customer walked past them, toward the bathrooms, “she called you “hot guy” for like a_ _month_ _straight when she started, she is incompetent, hits on half the customers, and for Christ’s sake Josie can’t even make a latte,” she said, blowing a stray hair out of her face as she crossed her arms over her chest._ _She knew she was acting like a petulant child, but she really couldn’t care less._

_At that, Bellamy gave her a compassionate smile and moved closer. Clarke’s heart skipped a beat, as he carefully moved her hair out of her face and curled it behind her ear, “gotta make sure your hair stays in the ponytail, Clarke.”_

_“Bellamy? Can you come back here?” Josephine’s voice floated out of the office, and Clarke rolled her eyes. Without a word, Bellamy was walking away._

_“It isn’t fair,” Clarke sighed quietly as she wrung out a sanitizer rag and began to clean the counter. She had to remind herself that Bellamy didn’t like her like that- and that her little crush was utterly one-sided. He_ _just did those things because he had a little sister, and he seemed to view Clarke in the same light_ _. Although, she’d been naïve enough to think that she and Bellamy had been headed toward something a while ago. Once, it seemed as if he’d been about to ask her out. But then his little sister showed up in a panic and Clarke insisted that he go and take care of whatever family business there was._

_But now, Bellamy was consistently siding with Josie, and it just gave Clarke a bad vibe. With a huff, she looked up to find the Mocha missing. “Seriously?” she groaned; Bellamy wasn’t one to forget to stock. But he had seemed distracted earlier. Giving him a little grace, Clarke decided to go in back and grab it for herself._

_As soon as she opened the door to the stockroom, she knew she’d made a colossal mistake. Much to her horror, she was_ _greeted by Bellamy’s head thrown back, his heavy breathing, and Josie on her knees, her head bobbing back and forth as he fisted her hair and groaned in relief._

_Clarke let out a gasp, and Bellamy’s eyes flew open to meet hers immediately. In a panic, he pushed Josephine off him. But it was too late, Clarke was already speeding her way up front. Luckily there was a guest at the register, so by the time Bellamy ran out, she was too busy to talk to him._

_She kept busy for the rest of the night, doing all the closing duties herself, even after Josie left. Clarke couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with Bellamy- what happened earlier had Clarke feeling insecure, confused, and for whatever reason, betrayed._

_“Clarke,” Bellamy tried, as they exited the store together, but she ignored him steadfastly as they walked down the sidewalk to the dumpsters. He tried again after they heaved the trash over the large receptacle, “it’s late. The bus doesn’t run this late on Sunday, do you need a ride?”_

_Clarke turned to him, her eyes aching with fatigue and unshed tears. She did need a ride. But not from him._

_“I ordered an uber,” she said, sitting on the curb. Slowly, Bellamy sat down next to her, “I don’t even want to know... but, what the fuck, Bellamy?”_

_“I’m sorry. I knew you’d be upset... and it just_ _sorta_ _happened. Josie is-”_

_“Pushy, rude?” Clarke asked, turning to Bellamy, “and apparently, she’s not faithful. She told me about some guy she hooked up with the other day... and it wasn’t you.”_

_“We have an open relationship,” Bellamy admitted, although he seemed uncomfortable, “her ex was abusive, and she doesn’t want to commit. I mean, I get it. It can be_ _difficult_ _to trust people.”_

_“What?” Clarke asked, turning toward him, “that’s insane, you are literally the most patient and caring guy I’ve ever met. You took me out for fries and milkshakes when Lexa broke up with me.”_

_“Well, that wasn’t entirely altruistic,” Bellamy said, almost too low for Clarke to hear, “Josie is just figuring herself out again. And I can be patient... plus, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. We’re having fun.”_

_“So, your both dating other people?” she asked, and his silence told her all she needed to know- he wasn’t, but Josie was._

_“I’m_ _gonna_ _throw up,” Clarke said. The Bellamy that Clarke knew would never just settle like this._

_“Clarke, I still want us to be friends. If you don’t mind,” he said, swallowing hard, “you’re important to me, and what happened today was unprofessional. We’ll keep it out of the workplace from now on.”_

_She let out a sigh and turned to him. As he gave her a pleading puppy dog look, her resolve cracked, “Of course,” she assured him, scooting closer and giving him a hug. As Bellamy wrapped his arms around her, Clarke had to resist the urge to sigh into him, “I’m your friend, and I’ll always be here for you. and if you are lucky, I’ll even try to like her.”_

_“That’s the spirit,” he said, obviously happy about the development. after a slight peck to the crown of her head, he settled his cheek there and whispered, “thank you.”_

_Clarke did all she could to not let her silent tears fall on Bellamy's t-shirt._

* * *

_Clarke had come to Bardo, Colorado, looking for a job in the art scene. What she’d found though, was a bustling “work for exposure” scene, and a quaint coffeehouse down the street from her house. She had just turned twenty-two, freshly graduated from Arkadia University with a bachelor’s degree in Art and Design, and a certificate in Art as a Social Movement. Her plan was to use her talents to help those who were dealing with trauma through art therapy. However, she needed a master’s degree for that, so she started attending the University of Colorado through hybrid courses. And well, she hardly had any friends in Bardo, so she found herself studying in that coffee shop often._

_Bellamy, who was twenty-five at the time, had memorized her order after hearing it once, not that her almond milk toffee nut cappuccino was too hard to remember. What surprised her most was that he’d save various art magazines that people left behind and would_ _even clip political cartoons from the newspaper and pass them along with her drink._ _During her first study session, they’d had a twenty-minute conversation. Eventually, he had to pull himself away from her, much to Clarke’s dismay._

_Then Echo had quit the café rather abruptly, and Murphy called in sick. Bean to Brew was slammed. Having remembered her training from the little coffee shop she worked at as a teen, she offered to help._

_Bellamy hired her on the spot._

_So, Clarke worked her ass off and attended school. She considered her time at work (usually with Bellamy), to be her “fun time.” They also hung out outside of work- but it was generally with Murphy, Harper, Maya, and their significant others, Raven, Monty, and Jasper._

_Although Bellamy was now her boss, Clarke found herself hoping that it meant something, especially when they were partners for everything._

_Considerin_ _g Clarke had grown up in southern California, she’d never seen snow- Bellamy taught her how to make a “snowperson” since he didn’t see the point of gendering it. And he tried to teach her how to ice skate- although Clarke never fully graduated to blades. They would just get a little drunk, and she’d slide on the ice in her flats, while Bellamy wore his worn-out sneakers, and tried to teach her. When they tried real blades, he was very patient with her, holding her hand, pulling her around, but Clarke fell, pulling the man down with her. They ended up just laughing, and deciding blades were too dangerous for her._

_Failing with Bellamy was fun, though, so Clarke didn’t mind it. But the last time they’d hung out was the night of Clarke’s Graduation party. She really hadn’t wanted one. She’d already graduated from High School and College. And just because she finished her master’s degree, didn’t mean she needed a party. But Bellamy thought otherwise and invited everyone over to celebrate. When the night was over, and everyone left, Bellamy asked if she wanted to stay over._

_“Uh, yeah,” Clarke had said, her heart thumping hard in her chest- what could he have meant by that? Clarke thought that maybe he’d make a move, and she even slept in his bed, cuddled up with him._

_It was heavenly. Bellamy seemed to decide that it never happened, and Clarke tried to do the same, although it was hard to forget how warm and safe she'd felt in his arms._

_That being said, denied memories didn’t stop them from gaming late into the evening, or spending hours talking about life, family, and whatever else they could think of._

_But it didn’t matter, everything changed three months after Josephine showed up. Josie had invited both of them to her friend Cillian’s party. But Clarke had a date (which flopped). It was too bad because, as Bellamy would explain later, that’s where he and Josie first hooked up._

_Maybe she could have stopped it?_

* * *

_“So, I heard you talked to Bellamy about... everything?” Josie asked, standing way too close to Clarke as she stocked the brewing section on the café wall._

_“Uh,” Clarke paused, it was just her and Josie tonight, and she’d been avoiding her even more since_ _that day_ _, “yeah, we’re friends, you know. We talk about stuff.”_

_Clarke could see Josie in the corner of her eye, she was nodding and shifting her feet- as if she was impatient about something._

_“What?” Clarke bit, turning to her, “you obviously want to say something, so do it- say it, Josie.”_

_At that, the woman let out a little laugh and looked around the café. Slowly, she moved forward and regarded Clarke with interest, “you know, Bellamy and I have an open relationship, right?”_

_Clarke found herself squinting, and nodding deftly,_ _where was she going with this?_

_“and... Bellamy likes blondes,” Josie said, one of her hands falling on Clarke’s waist, gripping a little too tight. Clarke’s heart sped up, and she tried to think of ways to get out of this situation... but in her panic, nothing was coming to her, “and I like blondes.”_

_The line sounded like something out of a bad porno, and Clarke’s stomach soured at it. She couldn’t think of anyone she’d like to fuck less than Josephine Lightbourne- not that Josie wasn’t attractive, because she was. Her personality was the problem, “and, just between us girls,” she continued, her voice a low whisper, “I kinda like your body,” she finished, a flirty smile playing on her lips._

_As Josie went in for a kiss, Clarke pulled away, knocking the box of French Presses, causing them to shatter._

_“Oh, shit!” Clarke said, and as she stepped back, there was a sick popping sound, followed by a searing pain in her foot as a piece of glass went through one of the Crocs she was wearing, “ow- damn it!”_

_The wound hurt like hell, and the glass was stuck in her foot. As Clarke assessed it, Bellamy just happened to walk through the door, his large smile quickly falling off his face._

_“What the hell happened?” he asked, seeing all the glass and blood on the floor. Clarke looked at him and then to Josie, who looked dumbstruck._

_“Clarke broke all the French presses!” Josie said as if they were six, and she was a spoiled tattletale._

_“Whatever, I don’t care about that!” Bellamy said, already springing into action, “Shit, Josie- Clarke has glass in her foot. Follow protocol, call an ambulance, get the hazmat stuff out for the blood- clean it up!”_

_When Josephine ran off, Bellamy shuffled some glass out of the way, to get near Clarke, “you okay?”_

_“I will be,” she hissed. Fuck, it did hurt, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break those.”_

_“You’re good, Clarke,” he insisted, looking around for Josie, presumably, “God, where is she?”_

_Clarke didn’t even try to answer that. Instead, she just breathed through the pain as Bellamy balanced her calf on his knee and tried to assess her foot from the poor vantage point. After a minute, he let out an exasperated huff._

_“Fuck it,” he said, sliding one arm under her legs and using the other to support her back, “hold on,” he instructed, and she did as she was told by wrapping her arms around his neck. Before they left the café, though, Bellamy yelled and told Josie to call Murphy in, and that he would take Clarke to the ER._

_“Bellamy, seriously, you don’t ha-”_

_“I do,” he said, setting Clarke in his car carefully, “_ _your_ _bleeding pretty bad, and I can’t take the glass out.”_

_Clarke just nodded, accepting her fate._

_“I was_ _gonna_ _have Josie ask you to hang out tonight. I guess it’s just us now,” he said, shaking his head- it seemed pretty clear that even Bellamy thought that Josie was stupid, at least in this case. They weren’t even on the road for two minutes before Josie called him on his cell. He barely looked at it before killing the conversation._

_“Don’t_ _wanna_ _talk to your girlfriend?” Clarke asked, trying to fight the urge to step on her hurt foot._

_“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said, his voice flat, “and I’m not very happy with her right now.”_

_“Sorry,” Clarke mumbled._

_“Why are you apologizing?” Bellamy asked, “it was an accident.”_

_At that, Clarke scoffed, “it wasn’t entirely an accident.”_

_“What?” Bellamy asked, looking at Clarke and then back on the road, “Just say what you want to say, Clarke.”_

_“Josie cornered_ _me. I think she was_ _hitting on me, and then this happened... I’m sorry because I don’t want to have to tell you what she said-”_

_“What?” He asked, his jaw popping in anger while his face grew stern._

_“She uh, tried to say that both of you liked blondes, and she put her hand on my waist and tried to kiss me.”_

_Clarke watched as Bellamy steadily grew_ _angrier_ _than she’d ever seen him. And if it didn’t break her heart, she would have felt smug about him being angry at Josephine, “did she say anything else?”_

_“Uh, she just said she knew I liked girls.”_

_“I didn’t tell her,” Bellamy rushed to say, “I said I wouldn’t tell anyone at work, and I didn’t, I swear, Clarke.”_

_Clarke had to take a deep breath, “don’t worry_ _..._ _I’m out now. It was just a bit triggering. I had an ex... It just rang a bell. And I stumbled back.”_

_“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Bellamy said, his hand moving from his phone to hold hers lightly. The touch felt nice, reassuring, “I’ll make sure to talk to Russell tomorrow. Josie will be put on a different shift while we figure out what to do, okay?”_

_Clarke just nodded and laid her head back. She pretended to sleep as Bellamy answered his phone and spoke to Josephine. As she laid there, she heard Josie screaming at the top of her lungs about how Bellamy abandoned her in a pool of blood- then Josie said something Clarke couldn’t understand._

_“Look,” Bellamy bit, “I don’t care, Josie. You put Clarke at risk, you’re in the wrong here...”_

_After another pause, he spoke again, “What was I supposed to do, let her bleed?” there was more yelling on the other end, and then the car was silent. Carefully Bellamy spoke, “I don’t know what happened today if you’re jealous or something-”_

_“-I guess we’re done then! Because if you think I’m really going to just leave her, then you are out of your goddamn mind.”_

_More yelling ensued. This time for a whole minute before Bellamy yelled for her to shut up._

_“_ _You_ _know- I think I will!_ _I hear hell is nice this time of year_ _,” he said before the call was cut short, ending Josephine’s tirade_ _._

* * *

Clarke sat on the couch, skimming the same paragraph of her book for what seemed like hours as she waited for Bellamy to finish up in the bathroom. He’d been in there for a while, and she was beginning to grow concerned. After all, his breath had smelled of whiskey when he walked through the door- what if he fell in the tub and hit his head? 

Just as she was about to knock on the door, he opened it, and Clarke was greeted with a plane of freckled bronze skin and hard muscle. Of their own accord, her eyes flicked down to see one of her towels pulled tight around his waist. As her guilty gaze met his, she gave in to the urge to throw her arms around him- she hadn’t seen him in almost two months. Not since _The Thing_ hadhappened. But he was here now, and that was all that mattered. 

As she pulled away, she took him in- the dark circles under his eyes looked almost scary, and the man looked worn out, “is that my shirt?” he asked, a small smirk showing on his face, as his free hand caught the fabric between his thumb and forefinger. Clarke looked down to find that, yes, she was wearing the shirt Bellamy had given her when she stayed at his place while her foot was healing.

Of course, it had some stupid saying on it... so it was a shirt that Bellamy hardly wore. Clarke laughed as the memory flitted through her mind.

> _“FBI,” he said, smiling a little as he handed that and a pair of boxers to her, as Clarke read ‘Female Body Inspector’ and quirked an eyebrow, Bellamy explained, “Murphy thought it was just hilarious, so he got it for me. I only wear it when I run, alone... with no one around to see it- ever. The boxers will make getting dressed easier on your foot. They’re new, don’t worry.”_
> 
> _Clarke laughed, she was fine with the shirt, and couldn’t help but feel cozy as she snuggled into it._

“You aren’t getting this shirt back, or the boxers,” she said, dead serious. Those boxers were possibly her favorite shorts, “but I did wash some sweats that might fit you, and your undershirt.” 

Bellamy nodded, “Don’t worry, the shirt looks better on you, anyway,” he said as he walked past her to the guest room. A bit later, he came out to brush his teeth, and he was wearing the sweats and tank top, which he somehow managed to look hot as hell in. 

“Hey, Bellamy?” Clarke asked as he was on his way back to his room. Without a word, his hand paused on the doorknob, “how bad was it?” 

“Every word was a lie,” he mumbled lowly, his eyes staying on the door, “none of what she said was true-” he paused, looking up at her with a pained expression, “I’m so sorry, Clarke I should have listened... I didn’t-” 

“Don’t,” Clarke said, resisting the urge to move forward and hug him. In recent months she thought a lot about what she would do if this happened- if he showed up on her doorstep. Some of those thoughts were of kicking him out, others were more like this but always ended up with her doing something stupid, like kissing him. 

She couldn’t- she _wouldn’t_ do that. Not unless Bellamy Blake proved that he’d gotten his shit together, “You were just doing what you thought was right. There’s nothing to forgive.” 

They both knew it wasn’t really the truth, but she hoped he knew that she didn’t blame him for what Josie had turned him into. Yeah, he had things he needed to apologize for, but he wasn’t a bad person.

“Goodnight, Bellamy,” she offered, “Oh, and I’m glad you're safe.” 

With a little smirk and maybe a little bit of hope in his eyes, Bellamy nodded and thanked her, before slipping through the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see more of the past and present- and we see some of what happened between Clarke and Bellamy. 
> 
> TW in a note at the end.
> 
> As Always thank you Leah for being a wonderful beta and friend!

Clarke didn’t wait for Bellamy to wake up before she started off on her run the next morning, she merely left a little note, telling him he could help himself to anything in the fridge. 

As she ran, she thought about all that had happened, about how she lost her best friend...and suddenly there he was, back again. 

* * *

**_About _ ** **_Three Months Ago_ **

_“That’s not fair!” Clarke squealed, tossing the Xbox controller to the ground, as Bellamy celebrated his victory._

_“Finally,” he laughed, celebrating with a ridiculously dramatic pose. His legs were spread in a wide ‘V’, as his arms bent at the elbows and his fists punched the air, “finally, I win!”_

_“Ugh, I hate this game,” Clarke said, “you’re cruel. Everyone knows you should let invalids win.”_

_“You didn’t feel that way when you handed my ass to me; what was it, six times?” he said, almost glowing, “wanna go again?”_

_Always a sore loser, Clarke shook her head, “let's watch some stand-up?” she asked, giving him what she hoped were puppy dog eyes. With a laugh and a gentle hand on her shoulder, Bellamy was all over it. In no time, he had Netflix playing. Within an hour, the pair had washed down a couple of bottles of beer each, and half a pizza._

_“So,” Clarke said, maneuvering so that she could eat the long string of cheese that dripped off the pie, “have you talked to Josie at all?”_

_It had been about a week since they’d talked. Because Clarke’s foot had a torn ligament, it would be a while before she could return to work- if she did at all._

_“Nope. I told Russell about the_ _situation;_ _he’s taking it seriously. He even offered you paid leave.”_

_“Well at least_ _there’s_ _that,” she shrugged, “Is Josie blowing up your phone?”_

_“I wouldn’t know, I blocked her,” Bellamy said, “I don’t like how she treated you, and I’ve never been okay with jealous behavior.”_

_“Well,” she said, weighing her words carefully. If Josie was gone now maybe it was okay to share how she felt, “I’m proud of you. She was honestly abusive.”_

_Bellamy seemed to mull that over for a moment before changing the subject, “_ _How's_ _your foot?”_

_“A bit better. No more pain meds as you can see,” she smirked, lifting up the beer, “thanks for letting me crash. It would have been hell dealing with my house like this.”_

_“No worries. Honestly, it’s nice to have someone here. Ever since O went to college, it's been quiet.”_

_“How’s she doing?” Clarke asked, Octavia seemed nice when_ _she’d_ _seen her._

_“Really well. She met someone but won't tell me anything about him. Something about how I tend to threaten to kill the people she dates,” he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his food, “Whatever that means.”_

_At that, Clarke laughed, “I mean you do_ _kinda_ _have this ‘Macho’ thing going on sometimes,” she smiled, “but if anyone knew you, they’d know you’re just a soft teddy bear.”_

_“I’m not that soft,” he said,_ _incredulous_ _, “I mean, I am toward you. But you’re special.”_ _As Bellamy gave her a soft look, Clarke felt herself flush, “really?” she asked. For once she felt brave enough to ask._

_“Yeah,” he said, moving his plate_ _off_ _his lap as he moved closer and draped his arm over the back of the couch, “Clarke, c’mon. You know I’m not like this with everyone. I care about you.”_

_As her heart began to beat hard, Clarke tried not to read into it._

_“Well thank you for that,_ _it's_ _good to have a true friend.”_

_As the words left her mouth, Bellamy’s smile dropped, “what if I don’t want to be just a friend?” he asked._

_Suddenly, Clarke felt a bit dizzy... was he asking her out? “What are you saying? That you want to-?”_

_“Take you out sometime? Yeah, if that’s okay?”_

_“Wow,” she said, surprised, “and it's not too soon after...”_

_“She wasn’t even my girlfriend, Clarke.”_

_Chewing her lip, thoughts raced through her mind. Was this a good idea? As the Clarke considered all the ways that this could end terribly, her gaze settled on Bellamy’s honest eyes, “Look, I really care about you,” she said, “and I feel like there is something here.”_

_“But?”_

_“Nothing,” she laughed, “I’m just not good with words.”_

_Bellamy laughed and moved to stroke her cheek, “that’s alright,” he said, “_ _I think I_ _understand you.”_

_It was fluid the way they leaned into a soft and gentle kiss. When his mouth opened to hers, she tried to move closer, only to find that her foot didn’t want to cooperate. Instead of leaving her to suffer through, Bellamy scooped her up and cradled her on his lap until she was able to sit on her own._

_Despite the odd angle, the kiss was perfect. It was lovely, really, and Clarke found herself sighing in contentment as she laid her head on his shoulder and cuddled up to him, “We should go to bed,” he murmured, “Wanna come with? I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”_

_“Sure,” she said, her arms remaining around his shoulders as he stood up._

_When they got to his bed, Bellamy paused, “just so you know, she never- Josie never came over here.”_

_She nodded, feeling a bit relieved. It was good to know that this could be between them, whatever it was. Crawling in between the covers, she relished the feel of him holding her close, staring at her as if he was holding something precious._

_“I love you,” she said, much to her own surprise. When he just stared at her, Clarke panicked, “I- I’m sorry. I don’t why I-_

_Bellamy cut her off with a kiss, “don’t worry. I love you, too,” he said, “You’re my best friend, Clarke.”_

_Things were good for a bit. Clarke stayed with Bellamy until she was able to walk right. It was awesome, just hanging out (and making out) for days straight. However, when Octavia came home for a weekend, Clarke did go home. They weren’t quite ready for meeting family yet._

_Clarke tried to distract herself by hanging out with Raven and Harper, but it didn’t help. She couldn’t wait to see Bellamy. His daily texts weren’t the same as having him next to her, holding her, kissing her. For the first time ever, Clarke was truly elated and excited to date someone._

_And well, he was her best friend, after all._

_And that was even better._

_The day arrived, and Clarke stood on the corner of Baxter and Chaucer, wearing a brilliant white dress and red lipstick. According to Raven and Harper, she looked very ‘Marilynn’, and Clarke couldn’t lie she was feeling great about herself. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her nerves. Bellamy was likely just late- there was no way he’d stand her up. After all, they’d spent so much time together and were finally on the same page._

_However, Bellamy had been adamant about “doing this right,” and taking her out. Of course, it didn’t matter to Clarke, but she thought it was sweet that he wanted to be a gentleman about it, even as he drove up in his over-priced Lexus, Clarke found herself trying to suppress her giddiness, after all, it was just Bellamy._

_Bellamy, who was her best friend, and who loved her._

_The memory of those words on his lips was enough to make her jump into his arms._

_“Well hello to you, gorgeous,” he said, glowing with his own brand of excitement, and giving her a soft kiss, “you’re a knockout.”_

_“You know,” she said, linking her arms around his neck, “I had no idea you were so attracted to me.”_

_“Not true, you were just in denial,” he accused, “I mean we talked for over an hour the first day we met, you had to know I like you.”_

_“Okay, yeah, you caught me.”_

_Clarke found herself laughing against his lips as his phone rang, “are you_ _gonna_ _take that?” she asked, pulling the phone out of his pocket for him- her hand brushing his thigh generously- giving him just a little promise of what she hoped would happen later. He received it with dark eyes that went wide as a familiar voice began to talk at him._

_“What the-” Bellamy stopped, letting out a heavy and frustrated sigh, “sorry, Clarke-” he said, extracting himself from her before he walked a few feet away, “are you seriously using the work phone to try to get me to talk to you?”_

_Clarke didn’t need to hear her voice; she knew Josie it was Josie._

_“Look, I told you, I don’t believe you. It doesn’t add up.”_

_He listened for a few more moments, before interjecting, “You know I don’t have time for your games. I’m on a date, don’t call me again.”_

_“Where were we?” Bellamy asked, taking Clarke’s hand in his own and leading her to his car._

_Clarke stared at her pasta, as Bellamy clenched his jaw. She'd come back from the bathroom to find him like this: Upset and stern. When she’d left, he’d been perfectly happy and enjoying himself. She did see him checking his phone as she walked away though, maybe something else happened?_

_“Seriously, Bellamy,” she said, surprising him by suddenly speaking up, “What did Josie say?”_

_“How’d you know it was her?” he grumbled shifting his own food around._

_“C’mon, I could sense your anger and frustration from a mile away,” she teased._

_“Josie said she’s pregnant,” he said, and Clarke’s stomach fell, “she said it’s mine, and she’s going to keep it.”_

_“Do you believe her?”_

_“She sent me an ultrasound and a photo of a positive pregnancy test,” he said, “but the timing- it just sucks.”_

_“Look, that could still be fake,” Clarke said, putting her hand over his, “but if_ _it's_ _not, a kid isn’t a dealbreaker for me. Dealing with Josie would suck, but we’ll work it out and I trust you.”_

_Her heart sank more and more as he refused to perk up, “Bellamy, c’mon, have some faith in us,” she said smiling. As he gave her a half-hearted shrug, she pulled away- a sense of dread knocking on the door of her heart._

_Bellamy merely stared down at his noodles, before asking for the check._

_Once they got to her house, Bellamy kissed Clarke softly and slowly, as if trying to memorize the way it felt, the taste of her mouth and lips. Running her fingers through his locks, Clarke watched as he closed his eyes in anguish._

_“Why do I feel like you aren’t going to come inside?” she asked, her heart aching a little._

_“Clarke,” he said, his voice broken as his eyes opened to meet her gaze, “I’m so sorry.”_

_“What, why?”_

_“I can’t drag you into all of it, Clarke. Josie won't let me see my kid if I date you. And I can’t- I just can’t be like my dad. I can’t just abandon my kid. And I definitely can’t leave it with an unstable woman.”_

_Clarke slowly let go of him, while her body fell into some sort of shock. This had to be a record, being dumped on a first date._

_She held in her tears, even as her chin began to wobble, “I-” she choked, but no words came to her. Instead, she turned around and pulled out her key and fumbled to open the door._

_God, this was so embarrassing._

_With fingers shaking, she finally managed it._

_“Clarke,” Bellamy’s soft voice came from behind her. He sounded like he was close to tears, as well, “this doesn’t change how I feel, it doesn’t change that-”_

_“Stop,” her voice was searing, even as she felt her heart come apart_ _, "please_ _, just leave me alone.”_

_His hand ran down her arm and he tried to hold her hand, but she shook him off, “I said go, Bellamy! Now!”_

_Clarke locked the door as soon as she was beyond the threshold. No longer in control of herself, she collapsed and let the sobs roll through her until her face hurt and her eyes were swollen with the fruit of embarrassment, grief, and longing for what could have been._

* * *

** Now **

Clarke paused in front of her house... Was she really ready for this... Could she face him after the heartbreak she’d endured? Remembering the humiliation that followed admitting how she felt about him, it was almost too much to bear. 

But he was here now, and she did love him, even still. 

Maybe it was a bad idea, but she was long overdue for a bad idea, frankly. 

“Bellamy,” she said, as she walked down the hall to his room. Opening the door slightly, she found him still passed out. He’d gotten wasted last night. 

After a shower and an hour of stress-cooking, she had an ample breakfast going. 

Eventually, Bellamy dragged himself out of the room for coffee and pancakes. 

“Thank you,” he said, his head hanging over his food, “Clarke, I-” 

“Stop,” she said, “you already apologized last night.” 

Bellamy clenched his jaw. His face looked thin, and his eyes tired, when was the last time he ate a decent meal or got enough sleep? 

“You were right about Josie,” he mumbled, “she lied about the pregnancy.” 

“Oh god, so she wasn’t?” 

“Oh, she was- is. It just isn’t mine.” 

“For Pete’s sake,” Clarke breathed, “how the hell did she think she could get away with that?” 

“She knew she wasn’t going to,” he admitted, “she wanted someone to pay attention to her while the father was going to school... in Europe.” 

Clarke felt her blood boil at once, “Let me guess? Gabriel? ‘ _The abusive ex who became a stalker’_?” 

“Yeah, some stalker,” he said dryly, “He answered the door when I came over with my bags- he thought I was the Manny that Josie had hired. God, it was humiliating, Clarke.” 

“So, you were going to move in with her?” 

For a moment, Clarke had to fight a slightly jealous urge that came over her. 

“I didn’t trust her, not really. But I figured it would be better for the baby-” Bellamy paused, running his hands over his face, “Fuck, it’s difficult to wrap my head around it... I just- it seemed like this would be the one thing I could do well, be a good dad.” 

Clarke sat there, unable to say much as his composure cracked. It broke her heart, to see him like this. The truth was Bellamy would be a great father. He was kind, generous, loving, patient, and protective. And even though he was sometimes impulsive, he was dedicated to protecting those he loved, “you’ll be an amazing father one day, Bellamy,” she assured him, “this isn’t the end.” 

“How is that I miss something I never had?” he asked, almost choking as his brown eyes brimmed with tears. 

“You thought you had it,” Clarke said, softly, her own pain thrumming beneath the surface. Now wasn’t the time for that, though, “that’s enough to break a heart.” 

She didn’t mean to allude to their almost-relationship, but it happened anyway. She could tell that Bellamy was thinking about it based on the sudden look of guilt he had on his face. 

“I think I’m gonna go lie down,” he said lowly, his cheeks turning a little pink. 

Clarke stopped him from leaving, “I know that things are... weird between us. But if you need a place to stay, you can stay here.” 

He paused, sitting back down. For a moment, he searched her face, as if for any trace of discomfort. 

“Thank you. Normally I would say I don’t want to put you out, but I gave up my apartment,” he shrugged. 

Clarke shook her head, as she took a bite of her food, “It’s really not a problem. How are you feeling today?” 

“Like I got hit by a train.” 

“I’m sorry,” she said, offering sympathetic eyes and more coffee. 

An awkward silence fell over them, and Clarke tried to think of things to say. 

_“Bellamy, I-”_

_“Clarke, look-”_

They began at the same time, only to end in nervous laughter, “You go first,” she said. 

He gave her a fond smile before he continued, “I uh, left the café a bit ago when I got mad about how they treated you. I don’t have a job yet, but when I do, I’m going to pay you back and save up for a ticket to New York,” he said, “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone, and my old friend Miller said I could stay with him. I just have to pay my own way.” 

Clarke paused. Of all the things she expected to hear, that was not it, “You are moving toNew York?” 

“Yeah,” he said, “After everything, I just need a fresh start, far away from Josie.” 

She nodded, “and far away from everyone else?” 

“I figured you wouldn’t want me around for too long.” 

She took a drink of her coffee and gave Bellamy a long look. She was trying not to be hurt by what he said, and it seemed clear that he was so defeated right now, and the decision wasn’t about avoiding _her_. 

“I am choosing to forgive you, Bellamy,” she offered, “I won’t talk you out of New York, because you’re a grown man and can make your own decisions. But I’ll help you if you stay. I know what happened between us wasn’t ideal, but you never meant to hurt me. You were just trying to do the right thing. And Josie took advantage of your good nature.” 

He gave her a long look, before working his jaw, “Are you sure?” 

Clarke nodded, “I don’t want you to go. If that’s what you’re asking.” 

The day seemed to go by in slow motion after that. The conversation was stilted and awkward, but it was also appropriate, considering the circumstances. When Clarke made her way to the backroom to see if Bellamy wanted dinner, she found him practically rolled into a ball under the covers. 

“Bellamy,” she whispered, trying not to wake him if he was indeed sleeping. Sitting on the bed, she let her hand fall to his back, and felt him shiver under her touch, “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

As he let out a heavy sob, Clarke realized what was happening- he was crying. Clarke couldn’t remember ever seeing him weep like this. 

“Hey,” she soothed, letting him get closer and place his head on her thigh, “it’s okay...” 

“Sorry,” he said, pulling away from her. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Clarke huffed, laying down in the bed next to him, “C’ mere.” 

Tentatively, Bellamy laid his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. It took a moment, but then she was cradling him, her hand weaving through his curls, “It’ll get better,” she soothed, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead, “with time, it won't hurt so much.” 

When Clarke thought he was asleep, she began to extract herself. Much to her surprise, however, Bellamy was still awake, and very much aware of her movements. 

“Please, don’t leave,” he said, his voice sounding pained and desperate. 

Taking pity on him, Clarke pulled him even closer and soothed him saying, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW Depression, Anxiety, Mourning, Heartbreak, loss of a child (Josie lies to Bellamy).


End file.
